The search for the perfect pair of jeans

A couple months ago, while I was still in England, I wrote about the traumatic experience of throwing out my old, tattered, favorite pair of jeans.  I threw them out as part of a general purge so that I could fly home with all of my worldly possessions contained within Virgin Atlantic’s baggage allowance.

Upon my return to the states, the favorite jeans were missed.  Deeply.  The other two pairs I had brought back to the U.S. were just wrong.  One stretches so much in the seat that it makes my adorable ass look as though it were deflated.  The other creates a weird fabric pocket right over the crotch area… not to mention the wash pattern (darker around the crotch and inner thigh) makes it look as if I’ve wet myself. Sadly, these two were the next best jeans I had.

Lately, I have turned my unemployed attentions to replacing my favorite jeans.  In the past week I have tried on four thousand pairs of jeans.  Three quarters of them were just wrong.  Those were the easy ones.  On, off, case closed.  The last quarter?  Those are the ones that are turning my mind into mush.

One fit great in the butt and waist, but they were about 3 inches too short.  Another would have been perfect if only the waistband was just the tiniest bit looser.  Another was perfect except for some weird creasing in the crotch.  Another would have been okay, except the only color they had in my size was white.  The same goes for the ones with the huge bell bottoms.  Another pair fit okay, but really just wasn’t flattering.  And so it goes…

So far I have had the most success at Gap, where the jeans come in a dizzying amount of different cuts and styles.  The “curvy” jeans seem to fit me best, but so far, I have held off buying.

Tomorrow I am going back to the mall, and I aim to conquer.  I will be focused, I will be ruthless.  I will wear shoes I can slip on and off in the dressing room.  I will not bring a sweatshirt that I could accidentally leave behind in a dressing room.  I will not bring a heavy bag.  I will return home with two perfect pairs of jeans, one in a dark wash for dressing up and a light wash for casual wear.  I will succeed.

(I hope.)