I will probably have to repent for what I am about to say
October 9, 2008 § 2 Comments
I hate children. Not as much as a friend of mine who believes the only reasonable thing to do with a baby is hit yourself in the head with it, but I still hate children. As a matter of fact, I have no beef with babies. They’re kind of like pets because they don’t talk and you can but them in cages, er, cribs. But children? *shudder*
Today, on Yom Kippur, I agreed to fill in and teach a 45 minute class of 5th and 6th graders about the story of Jonah. I was not at all prepared.
I had something fun for the kids to do – a play! Who doesn’t love a play? Ugh. Within minutes the boys had shredded their scripts and turned them into paper airplanes. One kid sat in the corner complaining about how lame this was. Another kept hitting everyone next to him. Another just couldn’t stay seated. The girls kept asking to go to the bathroom, and running in and out. They were all making faces at whoever was peering in through the window. There was NO silence in the room at any point, even when I broke all the rules and told them to shut up.
Eventually I gave up on the play and tried to get some discussion going. I had some good angles, I thought. But at every turn I got interrupted by this tiny little girl who would roll her eyes and say, “We learn about this every year…. whatever… no one wants to be here…. uhgghghhhh.” As I tried to wrap up the chaos, I heard her chatting away to my right saying, “I have nothing to repent for this Yom Kippur, so whatever.” And I may have snapped just a little bit when I leaned in and said very clearly, “Nothing except being really annoying,” and then gave her a look that said “think about it.”
Whatever. I’m not sure if I did a good job. I mean, no one got hurt and the building didn’t burn down, so I guess that is considered a success in at least some ways. But I didn’t really have them under “control,” so I dunno if that means I’ve failed. Really I don’t know. All I do know is… NEVER AGAIN.
I have mentioned before on this blog that I was interested in teaching. I’m not sure if I clarified the fact that I was referring to teaching high school. Never little kids. This experience has confirmed, without a doubt, that I will never teach little kids. A 5th grade classroom is my very own personal version of Hell.