August 18, 2008 § Leave a comment

Sometimes when things get complicated I think it would be nice to become an alcoholic.

I realize that this sounds silly, immature, melodramatic and perhaps insensitive to alcoholics, but I’m serious.

Alcoholism is a big enough problem to swallow all the rest of life’s problems.  In fact, all of life’s other problems really become extensions of your (new) one big problem: drinking.  How simple it would be!

Your job doesn’t work out?  Well, yeah, you’re an alcoholic.  Your relationships?  Alcoholic.  Your weight?  Blame the bottle.  And every time you get back on the wagon, hey, congratulations!  Look how well you’re doing!  Everytime you fall off, oh well, it’s time to focus on your drinking, not your personality flaws.

Say goodbye to existential crises and hello to a good, old fashioned, one-problem-only way of life.

Simplify, simplify, simplify.


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